Ezy Reading: The Floodgates to Procrastination Swing Open

Evan Kanarakis

In the interest of sabotaging all chances at writing the next great Australian novel, script, or three paragraphs of mindless banter, I subscribed to cable television and had DSL internet installed into my new apartment this week. According to the muddled reasoning I employed in considering such a move to distraction, I figured that with not much planned other than to write, write and write during my time here in Maine, access to surf for news and receive emails from home as well as kick back and relax to a little television from time to time would be a reasonable, non-excessive reward for my efforts. After having spent much of yesterday watching live score updates of Australia play England in the Ashes on my computer and learning all there was to know about the latest pharmaceutical drug available to relieve women suffering from weak bladder control on the television, I'd hazard a guess that it's time to make a hasty return to focusing on the writing...

Procrastination has always been one of my stronger skills, something I certainly refined during my college days when during the two weeks of 'study vacation' each year I managed to suddenly become surprisingly adept at throwing a frisbee, watching 'The Bold & The Beautiful', loitering around chatting and drinking coffee, and playing Goldeneye on the Nintendo 64. I've always said, if procrastination was rewarded in the real world, then right about now I'd be CEO of my own company, undoubtedly worth millions, and able to spend my days throwing frisbees, watching 'The Bold & The Beautiful', loitering about and playing Goldeneye on the Nintendo 64. Actually, hold on a minute, I think I'm on to something...

Still, I'm not too worried just yet because my resolve to get huge quantities of writing done is greater than the urge to watch another Australian wicket collapse, and more women giving testimonials about how their incontinence was cured almost overnight. I still have at least a few shreds of a discerning character left in me. That said, the National Football League's forthcoming television schedule arrived in the newspaper today, I hear the new Sopranos season might not be too far away, and someone just sent me a link to a website all about hats made entirely from cuts of meat that I inexplicably feel the urge to investigate immediately.

Trouble's brewing.

If in four months time you happen across me and I make little mention of progress on my book but seem especially enthusiastic about discussing the statistical qualities of the New England Patriots' wide receivers, am wearing a top hat made from topside beef and glowing about how my incontinence was cured almost overnight with a 'miracle drug', please hit me.

Now... With the best of intentions... back to the writing...

Ezy Reading is out every Monday.