Gemini – The element of surprise is in future.

Cancer – When you jog this month, run with the vehement bound of an AFL referee.

Leo – Try this R&B meditation. The Grammy-nominated R&B band En Vogue is no longer in vogue.

Virgo – If time starts to fly, catch the bus.

Libra – Ever walked out of the hairdresser upset? Don’t worry, it’ll grow back... that’s the thing about a haircut.

Scorpio – Never eat from a sandwich shop that doesn’t have its menus on a sandwich board.

Sagittarius – Oi, give this a go!: Try not to look at yourself when you walk past a mirror.

Capricorn – Zach Efron’s ’17 Again’ and Lindsay Lohan’s ‘Freaky Friday’ feature teens trading bodies with their parents. Imagine if Trump traded bodies with Kanye. Would North Korean - U.S relations be better off or would hip hop start a new renaissance?

Aquarius – Inject more creativity into your life. Start a limerick with, “My mother went to Uni on a Navy base...”

Pisces – Since digital cameras have taken over, the photo bomb has lost its impact. Pen a farewell letter to this old friend of the duck face.

Aries – True or false? Rappers who smoke weed are like yams. When they’re raw their hard ‘n bitter, but when they’re cooked their soft ‘n sweet.

Taurus – Make sure forward planning isn’t an afterthought.