Virgo – Nonverbal communication is important if you wish to climb the corporate ladder. The most effective way to learn nonverbal communication is to study giraffes and turtles. Watch more documentaries about these animals and you’ll be sure to be a CEO in no time.

Libra – Walk through your city in the morning and ask yourself "What is this city's potential today?" Then walk through it again at night and see if you’re disappointed.

Scorpio – If you have sex with your sibling's doppelganger does that count as incest?

Sagittarius – Sometimes we need to be thankful, especially in hindsight. It's a good thing the U.S. went to war with Mexico over Texas in 1892, otherwise they would have stood over them later when the oil was found. Count your lucky stars, Mexico you dodged a bullet or two there.

Capricorn – Thinking of earning a little more money? Seize an opportunity: no one busks in the rain.

Aquarius – A baby's shoes are like gloves for horses! Next time you go shopping for your kid's shoes, ask yourself, “Does a horse need gloves?”

Pisces – This month, conceive of a three course food menu as food for thought.

Aries – The video for the Boney M song 'Daddy Cool' was shot in an autumnal field even as the band were all clothed in decidedly spring fashions. Ignite your creative side and start a new career as a music video “seasonally appropriate” stylist.

Taurus – Calling someone an entrepreneur is just the middle class way of saying 'you’re a hustler'. From now on “get your entrepreneur on.”

Gemini – Birthday parties are overrated. Instead, hold a memorial for your natural hair colour, hearing, or bone density.

Cancer – Want to sound more mature? Start putting "The" in front of words, just like your parents do. Some that are currently making the rounds: “The drugs", "The sexting", and "The AIDS."

Leo – If "variety is the spice of life," how come Variety was never the name of a Spice Girl? Don’t be like The Spice Girls' management! Pay attention to marketing opportunities that might be staring you in the face!