Sagittarius – What’s worse, walking into a bathroom with food or walking out?

Capricorn – We’re rapidly moving into a totally cashless society. Pay-wave has impacted the economical viability of the modern beggar. Create a device to help the modern cashless beggar.

Aquarius – They say that if you cut a parking attendant they won’t bleed.

Pisces – When someone says 'the proof is in the pudding', ask what the ingredients are.

Aries – People in humid countries are really good at sweating. What does your environment make you good at?

Taurus – You’re going to need to let go this month, so ask yourself: 'Is the taxidermy of pets about recognition of sentient beings or about humans not letting go?'

Gemini - What would you rather fight: 100 duck-sized Donald Trumps, or 1 duck the size of Trump's ego?

Cancer – Next time you tell someone, “the ball's in your court” make sure you’re playing the same game.

Leo – Who would be in your time machine book club? I’d have  a young Michael Jackson, 2004 Chuck Liddell, divorced Winnie Mandela, Aphrodite, Pope Pius VII, and a 35-year-old Rodney Dangerfield.

Virgo – The very next time you try to pick someone up, look at them as if you’re about to eat your favorite food. If they catch you staring, just say you’re hangry.

Libra – To stir things up is to “throw a cat amongst the pigeons.” This month, throw a pigeon amngst the cats!

Scorpio – Is telling HR you have a lawsuit pending due to a paper cut like asking IT how to move your mouse? Take some responsibility this month for God's sakes...