Sagittarius – Self-awareness starts with a simple question: "Am I the attention grabbing blonde or the captivating brunette?"
Capricorn – Next time you ask a friend if they farted, be prepared for "NO!"
Aquarius – Worried about promoting your next big event? Remember, a porn site has never had a soft launch.
Pisces – To do something nice for someone is "to get into their good books". This month figure out what recipes are in your "good books".
Aries – What's in a name? A lot! We use a face-washer to wash our butt, though if you were given a butt-washer would you wash your face?
Taurus – Ask yourself, “Do I deserve a humility award?” If so, go stand in a room of mirrors and wait for the award.

Gemini – There are more stars in the sky than grains of sand in all the deserts on earth. Create your own constellation, no-one will know if you’re lying.
Cancer – Remember, you can only be present in your breath so make sure to floss.
Leo – Friendship is like a convenience store, it's easiest if it's just around the corner. From now on make more of an effort to buy your milk a little further away.
Virgo – Smart phones, tablets, laptops, phone watches... Electronic devices are filling out heads with shit like never before. This month, read a novel, it's a laxative for the mind.
Libra – If I was immature yesterday what does that make me today? Do something silly and blame it on yesterday.
Scorpio – Radio announcers back announce songs to help sell the music. This month, sell your sexual potency and back announce your sexual positions after coitus.