These typed words are unable to convey the emotion I feel at this moment. Tears roll down my cheeks, my fingers struggle to find their mark on the keys for the uncontrollable tremors running through me. The terrorists have struck again.

After four years of courageous efforts against those who want evil rather than good in the world, I thought we were safe. It seems, however, that the terrorists are a formidable threat. The countless warnings about impending attacks seemed exaggerated, and I was sceptical about the dangers posed to those living in the civilised world, but now I realise that we are staring into the depths of pure evil. Today at least 33 white people were murdered, and many more injured. When will those godless brown people end this horrific slaughter?

Religious freedom is something we in the civilised, western world value highly, but at times, when a religion or belief endangers our safety, it must be controlled. Prime examples are the Branch Davidians of Waco, Texas, or the suicide cults of Japan. I think the time has come to act swiftly and powerfully against the religion of Islam. Although not all Muslims are currently involved in terrorist activity, it's only a matter of time. The fact is every terrorist attack ever committed was carried out by a rag'wearing, Koran'toting Muslim. Any level'headed observer would conclude that all followers of this religion will eventually carry out a terrorist attack against a western nation.

Twenty'five years ago, the Muslims had us fooled. We thought they were good guys, since they were fighting the Russians, who at the time were pure evil. We helped them with guns, money and a drug licence, and they successfully drove the barbaric Russians from their land. However, in the late 1990s, after our pipeline deal turned sour, the Muslims showed their true colours. Our Saudi Arabian business partners paid for and supervised the training of a group of Saudi Arabian terrorists to stage an attack on the Land of the Free. On September 11, 2001, we were first introduced to the reality of the evil of Islam, when almost 3000 civilised westerners were murdered in cold blood. Although we maintained our business links and made a bundle with our Saudi enemies, we didn't enjoy it, and made sure the Muslims knew that we didn't want any more of these profitable attacks to occur. We went to Afghanistan,
where we had fostered the most fanatic of the Muslims, and began to put things right. Although most the operatives we had paid in the 80s were able to escape to our ally, Pakistan, we were able to wipe out close to one hundred thousand Muslim terrorists with cluster bombs, uranium enriched missiles and forced starvation. The terrorists, however, just didn't seem to get it.

Within months, they grew from an unknown group living in the mountains of Afghanistan, to a highly'disciplined, well'trained organisation with cells, capable of acting independently of their headquarters, in almost every nation in the world.

To show the terrorists the strength of our resolve, we took care of another couple of hundred thousand Muslims in Iraq. Although Iraq is a free country now, in fact precisely because Iraq is a free country, the Muslims still hate us.

After the second world war, the United States and her allies bravely confronted the evil of communism. To ensure the world's well being, the west funded and trained fascist militias in many of the dark countries, to ensure that the will of these uncivilised people didn't get in the way of profit'making. We had to invade four countries, killing six or seven million communists, and fund covert operations in countless other countries, resulting in the killing and torture of millions more, but eventually, the communists understood we would stop at nothing in the fight against evil.

After the fall of the communist empire, many of the dark nations thought that they were safe from evil, and tried to do away with their military governments. From Chile to Indonesia, South Africa to Peru, democratic forms of government began to appear. What these unfortunate brown people didn't realise was that there was another evil lurking in the shadows: terrorism.

To defeat this evil and to maintain our business operations in these countries, we need to reinstate the fascist military regimes that served us so well against the communists. With enough money, training, and indoctrination, the fascists will slaughter most of the Muslim terrorists for us. Most of our brave troops will be able to return home. As happened with communism, many of the dark people won't understand the evil of their beliefs and the righteousness of ours. Their deaths shouldn't trouble our consciences, however. The only good Muslim is a dead one.

Some may ask, if we defeat the terrorists will we be safe? Unfortunately, there may always be evil in this world. Who knows? Maybe after we defeat the terrorists, our drug farmers in South America and Asia will turn against us, and the struggle of good against evil will continue.

Ray is recovering from cheek surgery to dislodge his tongue. We at The Cud wish him a swift recovery.