This week the leaders of the most powerful economies on the planet are meeting in Gleneagles to discuss, among other things, the cancellation of my credit card debt. Years of poor financial management, corruption and the misappropriation of credit has dashed any chance of improving my standard of living. Servicing current debt levels has curbed spending on infrastructure projects vital to any chance of future prosperity in today's global economy.

But will this strategy work? Some sceptics believe that writing off my debts will only offer short term relief, but will not encourage future prosperity, with the likelihood that any future extensions of credit will only be squandered on more thoughtless expenditure.

In other news, some Madonna fans have criticised the singer for deciding not to go through with a scripted lesbian kiss with Ethiopian, Birhan Woldu, at the Live 8 concert in London last week. Ten minutes from death during the Ethiopian famine in the mid-1980s, Woldu was saved by Live Aid donations. The pair hugged onstage, but wouldn't take it any further. One disappointed fan commented, "When they embraced I thought for a moment that it was actually going to happen, my spine was tingling, it would have been so hot. But then nothing. I'm shattered. Madonna, you used to be cool."

Finally, a confidential source at Gleneagles has confirmed that the G8 leaders are very much in favour of waiving African debt and increasing aid to areas of the troubled continent ravaged by poverty, disease and war. One statesman reportedly quipped, "We have to do anything to end poverty in Africa now, or we run the very serious risk of another disastrous live performance of I don't like Mondays in the future."