Cancer – To stop people stealing your food from the office fridge, try this: half fill a cola bottle with brown vinegar and put it in the office fridge with your name clearly labeled on it. If they have a vinegar allergy, things will get even more interesting.

Leo – Try and get some sun this month. If not, support teams with sun or sun themes in their names. Here are a a few suggestions: Miami Heat, Gold Coast Suns, Sunrisers Hyberabad, Perth Scorchers, Arizona State Sun Devils, Sunset FC…

Virgo – There are footprints on the ceiling.

Libra – In your endless search for beauty, why not create a coffee table book of photos of letter boxes?

Scorpio – Make a name for yourself this month and break a Guinness World Record. The current record for eating Ferrero Rochers in one minute is 9.

Sagittarius – Write a script for The Fast and the Furious franchise. It shouldn’t take more than a month. Let me know how you go.

Capricorn – You need more time in your day. Here’s something that will help. Ctrl + C = Copy, Ctrl + K = Insert Link, Ctrl + B = Bold highlighted selection, Ctrl + T = Create a hanging indent.

Aquarius – This month, greet people with a finger gun point. Every now and then spice it up and add “Hey” or “Looking at ya'.”

Pisces – The dumbest question in the universe is “Are you awake?”

Aries – Stimulate your imagination and start your own list of Chuck Norris sayings. Here’s a start: Chuck Norris is so tough his beard hair can be used as sewing needles.

Taurus – Find a blog or forum and contribute to the cultural discourse by contemplating the best ninja moves of all time. Keep me posted on your progress.

Gemini – A recent study found that the lyrics of the most popular songs of the last 10 years are at a 3rd grade level of sophistication. What’s your favourite song?