Whenever Valentine’s day is on the horizon, I like to evaluate Hubby and I’s relationship. The successes, the setbacks, whether we have grown as a couple or let our hectic life of raising five year old triplets get the better of us. I examine this in the best and most accurate way possible – by reading through our Whatsapp messages for the year.

If communication had a fan club, I would be its president. However, our busy lives often leave us too tired for cognitive function, let alone talking.

12/03/14 

5:54 PM: HUBBY: Be home 6:40
6:05 PM: ME: I will be passed out in bed

So, because a great portion of our communication is done throughout the day via messaging, it provided me with an extremely accurate recount of our year, a digital time machine of sorts that allowed me to go back to certain points of time that I had long forgotten existed.

Initially it was a fun exercise, which slowly became sombre. Reliving the past brought with it the emergence of sadness and anxiety over certain events that had already been dealt with. My stress over looking for work and the difficulties with re-establishing myself professionally, the despair of dealing with health issues, family problems, and even arguments that were inevitably dealt with through the emotionally diffused nature of messaging. While I generally see us as a fun couple, I was disappointed to discover that a large portion of messages were simply lists of grocery items. No instructions, just a random ‘apples, cucumbers, ironing board, toothpaste’ message. We had seemingly and unwittingly succumbed to the hum-drum life. The “I love yous” were few and far between, only two I could find, both sent when Hubby was out of town and saying good night. And the worst part? The proportion of messages dedicated to the saga of Hubby’s shirts.

11/03/14 

8:38 AM: ME: Trying to get a teaching job is impossible
8:38 AM: ME: Feeling down... :(
8:39 AM: HUBBY: Keep at it sweetly / can you please wash my shirts
8:39 AM: ME: Argh!! Hate it that the height of my productivity is washing your shirts!!
8:39 AM: HUBBY: I need shirts babe
8:40 AM: HUBBY: The shirts won't wash themselves
8:40 AM: ME: Stop talking about your shirts
8:41 AM: ME: I'm really stressed out!
8:43 AM: ME: Anyway I have to get kids ready and out the door
8:43 AM: HUBBY: I'm about to go into the tunnel, don’t lose focus and remember the shirts

13/ 04/14

12:06 PM: ME: It's going to take me the rest of the day to finish this job application
2:40 PM: ME: It's ridiculous how long it takes just to write a cover letter. And then I don't even get an interview.
2:40 PM: ME: And I haven't ironed any shirts
2:40 PM: ME: And I haven't cooked anything
2:40 PM: ME: And I haven't had a shower
2:42 PM: ME: I might as well sit in my track suit all day and drink vodka and watch desperate housewives
2:46 PM: HUBBY: What's this about my shirts?
2:47 PM: ME: Can't believe you're talking about the shirts again!!
2:48 PM: ME: I just spent 5 hours in front of a computer screen, probably for nothing
2:54 PM: HUBBY: So you're confirming that I'm wearing my
dad's floral shirt?
2:55 PM: ME: You are really upsetting me
3:01 PM: HUBBY: I don't mean to upset you, I just want to look good

18/03/14

11:38 AM: HUBBY: How are you feeling sweetly?
11:39 AM: ME: I have a sore throat/sneezing too... :(
1:07 PM: HUBBY: I have enough shirts so I'm not concerned

So with a heavy heart, I was about to retreat into despair over the state of our relationship that I had not even realised was in jeopardy. But then, I looked closer. I realised that amongst all the mediocrity, in between the hundreds of photos depicting the kids’ daily activities, there was still evidence that we were on the right track, and we possessed all the elements that a good relationship needs. For example:

* Being able to share all of life’s achievements with your partner, no matter how small

6/02/14

8:38 AM: ME: Good news.
8:38 AM: ME: I got out of bed

* Supporting each other

11/04/14 

4:18 PM: ME: I've decided I'm going to keep shoes in the pantry cupboard
5:08 PM: HUBBY: If it feels good do it

1/02/14 

5:54 PM: ME: By the way I'm really sorry but the house is still in a massive state of mess
5:54 PM: ME: I had grand plans of cleaning but have had a massive headache all day and have done nothing but lie in bed
5:55 PM: ME: I may have watched some of the bachelor
5:55 PM: ME: And folded some laundry but that's about it
5:55 PM: HUBBY: That's ok you can clean in the evening
5:55 PM: ME: That's not very supportive
5:56PM: HUBBY: You can clean really good in the evening

* Showing care and concern about each other’s wellbeing

07/09/14 

11:04 AM: HUBBY: Have the prunes kicked in yet?

13/02/14

2:46 PM: HUBBY: Hows the haust levels ?
3:41 PM: ME: Ex

18/09/14 

1:19 PM: HUBBY: How is the day going? Only 5 more hours and you can sleep until tomorrow

* Always being available to give advice when needed

14/02/14

1:25 PM: ME: Ok I'm struggling with this. I'm leaning towards the black and red
1:27 PM: ME: Might be more formal?
1:36 PM: ME: Ok I'm going with the black and red. I think.
1:36 PM: ME: I can just wear it with a black singlet
1:36 PM: ME: Easier to match
1:36 PM: ME: And I can wear red lipstick
1:36 PM: ME: Ok done
1:36 PM: ME: Thanks for the chat.
1:41 PM: HUBBY: Awesome

11/03/14

11:43 AM: HUBBY: Are you drinking vodka and watching day time tv? that's when you've hit rock bottom
11:48 AM: ME: No I'm looking for work
11:51 AM: HUBBY: great work babe, are you out of track suit pants? If so I think you are on the road to happiness

* Accepting each other’s strengths and weaknesses

21/02/14

5:49 PM: ME: The good news is I remembered to buy toothpaste
5:50 PM: ME: The bad news is that I forgot to buy toothbrushes so we are still down to one toothbrush between us

* Understanding each other

14/03/14 

7:46 AM: HUBBY: Are you out of bed sweety?
7:47 AM: ME: Yes
7:51 AM: HUBBY: As in up and about or you fell off the bed and are now sleeping on the floor?
7:52 AM: ME: I refuse to clarify

* Being able to tell the other person the hard truths

27/03/14 

3:09 PM: ME: I've noticed it's the second day in a row you haven't worn your wedding ring to work
3:09 PM: ME: Babe you just have to let it go
3:09 PM: ME: The chances of the channel 9 dating show scouts approaching you again are very slim

* Appreciating gestures

3/03/14 

1:14 PM: HUBBY: On the bright side I bought you a birthday
card
5:44 PM: ME: Great. You can put it with the unwritten one from last year

* Being effective communicators

3/04/14

4:02 PM: ME: We've been driving for an hour and still not home!!
4:02 PM: ME: F***ing traffic!!!!!!
4:16 PM: HUBBY: Great communication babe
4:16 PM: ME: Thanks babe

19/11/14 

5:47 PM: HUBBY: I think that we have reached our conversation quota for today, no need to talk to each other tonight
5:47 PM: ME: More time for Scandal :D

* Having the same level of understanding

18/03/14 

5:29 PM: ME: Katerina is passed out on the couch. I'm likely to be joining her any minute... but the other two are awake and active :/
5:31 PM: HUBBY: As long as the tv is on there shouldn't be a problem
5:51 PM: ME: I've never felt more in sync with you than I do right now.

* Cheering on successes of the other person, no matter how relevant

3/04/14 

8:13 AM: ME: Didn't have bacon
8:13 AM: ME: Had to use ham instead
8:13 AM: ME: They were none the wiser
8:17 AM: HUBBY: You are on fire babe

24/03/14 

4:11 PM: HUBBY: At least they ate their nachos, we definitely won the restaurant parenting battle with that other couple with the one toddler
4:11 PM: ME: Oh without a doubt

17/03/14

12:28 PM: HUBBY: Good work babe and I have no shirt questions

* Being someone the other person can count on

7/04/14 

11:21 AM: ME: if u go past a book shop can u buy me a copy of To Kill A Mockingbird? But see if they have one with larger writing.
11:21 AM: HUBBY: Ok
5:03 PM: HUBBY: I bought you a Spanish copy of to kill a mockingbird it had the largest text "el Diablo murdero el loco poultice"
5:03 PM: ME: ... Thanks...

* Feeling comfortable to share your thoughts

23/04/14 

8:56 AM: ME: If only there was an easier way to take a shower without having to actually take a shower

16/05/14 

1:18 PM: ME: Do we know if prehistoric man was poly amorous? Maybe they were monogamous after all... How do we know that human beings are actually not meant to be monogamous?
1:19 PM: ME: If you look at The Croods for example
1:19 PM: ME: Very monogamous

* Making an extra effort to look nice for your partner

10/06/14 

9:02 PM: HUBBY: I'll be in strathfield @ 9:23. Can someone
please get me
9:02 PM: ME: Ok I'll come
9:03 PM: HUBBY: What will you wear?
9:07 PM: ME: A hoodie                                                                                                                                                                                  9:08 PM: HUBBY: Can't wait

* Understanding when things are important to your partner

3/10/14 

3:24 PM: ME: Have u been staying away from social media so as not to accidently find out the result of the bachelor?
3:24 PM: ME: I almost accidentally saw something but then I didn't
3:27 PM: HUBBY: Yes I have

* Discovering new ways to bond

3/06/14 

11:16 AM: HUBBY: Do you want to take the next step and get a shared email account?
11:25 AM: HUBBY: Petiela@Gmail Daner@Gmail ???
11:26 AM: ME: Is that the next step?
11:26 AM: ME: After marriage?
11:27 AM: HUBBY: Become one digitally
11:44 AM: HUBBY: Danayiotis@Gmail
11:44 AM: HUBBY: DanPandoudas@gmail
11:45 AM: HUBBY: DanPanEvaKatIri@gmail
11:53 AM: ME: Just go with pete_dani
11:55 AM: HUBBY: How dare you bring an underscore into our relationship
11:55 AM: ME: Pete.dani then
11:55 AM: ME: But the underscore is better
11:57 AM: HUBBY: Maybe it was too early to try and get a joint email we are not ready for this

* Making an effort to do things together

15/12/14 

10:14 AM: HUBBY: Your surgery is booked for 15 January
10:25 AM: ME: Fantastic
10:25 AM: HUBBY: I've booked salsa classes
10:26 AM: ME: Don’t do that yet, it doesn’t mean I'll be any better off after surgery
10:26 AM: HUBBY: I've booked myself in only

19/09/14 

3:26 PM: ME: I'll see u at home
3:27 PM: HUBBY: Unless you want to hang out in Newton for an hour and wait for me?
3:34 PM: ME: No I'll just go home
3:35 PM: HUBBY: You sure?
3:38 PM: ME: Yes I just want to get home to the kids. Not in the mood to go out
4:35 PM: HUBBY: Are you in the mood to play Lord of the rings Lego?

* Allow each other the freedom to pursue own interests

27/08/14 

10:25 AM: HUBBY: Can I please go to voug's house and play the PlayStation?
11:50 AM: ME: When?
11:53 AM: HUBBY:Tonight
11:59 AM: ME: What time
12:07 PM: HUBBY: 8pm
12:36 PM: ME: As long as the kids are in bed asleep, I don't care what u do

* Making plans for your future together

19/12/14 

7:55 PM: HUBBY: We can move to Sweden
7:55 PM: ME: Lets
8:00 PM: HUBBY: You can marry the guy in the Vikings series and I can hang out in Yotaland
8:01 PM: ME: Deal.
8:02 PM: ME: Although, the guy from the Vikings is Australian. He doesn't live in Sweden. So... you go.

* Just being able to laugh with each other

23/01/14 

11:48 AM: HUBBY: No dramas sweetly?
12:36 PM: ME: All good today so far
1:34 PM: HUBBY: So far or so fart?
2:20 PM: ME: Fart
2:20 PM: HUBBY: That's childish
2:26 PM: ME: No, that's just young at fart

* And finally, supporting each other’s goals

26/01/15

10:15 AM: HUBBY: I have lost another belt size. I have decided that if i get to 89kg i will open a Facebook account and date all the girls from high school.
10:16 AM: ME: Fair enough.
10:16 AM: ME: Wait... didn’t you go to a boys’ school???

Even though sometimes, shirt related conversations just cannot be avoided...

02/02/15 

10:00 AM: ME: I'm thinking about doing absolutely nothing today
10:02 AM: HUBBY: Iron at least one shirt
10:02 AM: ME: You're such a killjoy
10:38 AM: ME: 10:30am & still doing nothing. Guess you're wearing your dad's floral shirt tomorrow.
10:42 AM: HUBBY: I would've been selected for the dating show with that on

Born in Skopje, Macedonia, Daniela Ifandoudas is a high school teacher and mother of triplet daughters living in Sydney Australia. When not preoccupied with crowd control, chauffeur duties and keeping up with her offspring’s ridiculously busy social schedule, she makes time to write and spend time with her loving husband Peter... mostly strategising over the best way to tackle crowd control, chauffeur duties and offspring’s social schedule.