Cast:
• WALKER- the chief executive of Best Products, Inc.; a clean-cut man, he obtained his position through his ability to inspire rather than to act decisively
• STROM- president of the doohickey division; a gruff man with high ambitions but weak interpersonal skills
• MARION- president of the advertising division; a very convincing woman, equally strong of will
• ELIOT- president of the product testing division; a snappy dresser, it only reaffirms his look as a shyster
• SECRETARY

Scene:
A large and expansive boardroom, ornately decorated, all very high-end. STROM, MARION, and ELIOT are gathered at the table making last minute preparations for their presentation of Best Products' new coffee mug, the Hot Coffee Companion, which they will present to WALKER when he arrives shortly.

STROM: Back off, Eliot, it'll be fine. Nobody's going to check. People just want their coffee, how often do they think about where their mug came from?

MARION: Besides, we have a reputation for only using the safest polyethylenes, so Strom's right, no one will check. We've got so many ads on the air and the Web that the public isn’t sure what to believe, so they believe the soothing voice heard on our ads.

STROM: And yes, sooner or later one of our products will break, but that's inevitable. The important thing is, we give a good presentation here today so we can get a green light to start mass-producing the Hot Coffee Companion. These are guaranteed money-makers. [STROM points to a strange looking drinking vessel]

ELIOT: Let me just say that I agree with you both, in principle. But I have a reputation to uphold. When I was Best Products' safety officer, I personally wrote many of the rules that exposed my predecessors in this position as hypocrites. What would it say about me if I were then guilty of letting an unsafe product hit the market?

STROM: For cryin' out loud, Eliot. Would you quit whining about poor ol’ Main Street? Not everybody deserves the same quality, don't you know that? What kind of a fairy tale world do you live in? You think everyone arrives to work in a chauffeured car like me? Or wears tailored suits like you? Don't be naive, my boy, this is a corporate boardroom, and we're facin' down a deal here. Now, we need to know, are you on board?

ELIOT: [only somewhat reluctantly] Of course. I'm sure everything will be fine.

STROM: Atta boy.

MARION: Now, let's run through this once more. I don't want the boss to see any spills during our presentation. When the old man walks in we'll do the usual meet-and-greet, keep it positive. Strom, you'll immediately hand the boss one of the products—

STROM: A Hot Coffee Companion, dear.

MARION: Right, and as I'm setting up coffee service for Strom using our new Hot Coffee Companion, Eliot, you'll highlight the positive product testing results.

ELIOT: The record's a little light.

STROM: This is the big league, son. Sell, sell sell!

MARION: Then Strom, you hold up your mug—

STROM: Hot Coffee Companion, please. If we can't do a product placement during our own sales pitch, how will we convince the public to buy, buy, buy?

MARION: Of course. So, you'll hold up your Hot Coffee Companion [MARION starts to pour visibly hot coffee] and I'll say, "It's just another item you can't do without, from Best Products, where we take you beyond—"

STROM: Aahhh! You spilled hot coffee on me!

MARION: I didn't spill it, the mug broke.

ELIOT: You mean the Hot Coffee Companion broke.

STROM: Stuff it, Eliot. I'm seriously burned here.

MARION: You're going to have to forget about that for now, it looks like coffee has spilled on the table. You need to clean that up before the boss comes in.

STROM: Me? I wasn't pouring the coffee, my job was just to hold the cup.

ELIOT: Not cup, Strom, Hot Coffee Companion. Remember the product placement!

STROM: When it breaks, boy, it's just a coffee cup.

Either way, the coffee's getting close to the edge of the table.

ELIOT: And it's soaking my breakfast.

STROM: [to MARION] You were pouring it, you clean it up.

MARION: [to ELIOT] You were supposed to make sure the mugs were safe.

ELIOT: [to STROM] You ignored my test results.
[WALKER enters the boardroom]

WALKER: Good morning. How are— What's going on here?

STROM: [startled] Walker, why, we were just— How are you today, sir? You're looking fit, sir.

WALKER: What is this?

MARION: Just a little spill, sir. We'll have it cleaned up in no time. Isn't that right Eliot?

ELIOT: We have no documentation that says otherwise.

WALKER: Anything I need to know about?

STROM, MARION, ELIOT: [in unison, then on top of each other] No. No, sir. Everything's fine. Just a little spill, sir. Back to normal in no time.

WALKER: [checks his watch] Alright, let's get it cleaned up. I'll be back in a minute.
[WALKER leaves the boardroom]

STROM: We got lucky there. But we don't have much time.

ELIOT: The spill is getting near the edge of the table, it's going to stain this lovely blue carpet.

STROM: I know, I’ll pour this bottle of water right onto the spill. That will dilute the coffee before it hits the carpet, so it won't stain as badly.

ELIOT: A stain is a stain.

MARION: I know, we'll take all these pens and line them up around the spilled coffee. The pens will act like barriers. [MARION lines up all the pens she can find] Boom! That's the way you do it.

ELIOT: It's not working. The coffee is seeping through.

MARION: Well I'm sorry. I thought it was worth a try.

ELIOT: It was worth a try. You even had my hopes up for a second. But you shouldn’t be so quick to declare victory without actually waiting to see results.

MARION: [referring to STROM] Well at least we have ideas here. The boss will be back soon and we still have a presentation to deliver.

ELIOT: Look, it's already hit the carpet. Let's just write this whole thing off as a loss and get out of here.

STROM: No way, if we leave a bad taste in the boss' mouth he'll never approve another idea of ours. We’ll be ruined. That's why we've got to stop the spill as soon as we can, and then move the table so it covers the stain. I've got another idea. Eliot, grab that tray of paper clips and things. [ELIOT brings the tray to STROM] We'll just dump all this junk right on the spilled coffee. There we go. [STROM dumps the tray] Now, that oughta work.
[WALKER enters the boardroom]

WALKER: Everything taken care of?

STROM: Oh, yes sir. Minor hiccup is all. Price of doing business, I'm afraid.

WALKER: [accusatorially] Looks like the coffee is seeping through your barrier there. And are you using our office supplies for this? Why didn't you just use some paper towels?

MARION: Well, sir, we don't have any paper towels.

WALKER: You mean to tell me you came here for a presentation involving liquids, and you didn't bring any paper towels?

ELIOT: I'm afraid not, sir. They're on our list, but—

WALKER: But what? You trailed off there, Eliot. I almost thought I was going to get a straight answer.

STROM: Well, the truth of the matter, sir, is that there is a small spill, though it's on a rather large table. Unfortunately, a small amount of coffee is dripping off the table onto your blue carpet.

WALKER: You told me it was just a "minor hiccup."

STROM: I was being optimistic, sir.

WALKER: Do I need to call a janitor in here to clean up your mess?

MARION: We can handle it, sir. We just need another minute, that's all.

WALKER: I am not impressed. I expect a better response from people at your level. Now, I want you to work together and take care of this, you hear me?

STROM, MARION, ELIOT: [in unison, then on top of each other] Yes. Yes, sir. Will do. We've got ideas, sir. Just a little spill, after all. Back to normal in no time.

WALKER: I'll be back in a minute.
[WALKER leaves the boardroom]

ELIOT: Well, now look at where we are. I told you to pay attention to my test results.

STROM: Now is not the time you little prig. If you hadn't been so worried about ladder climbing to take a hard stance with me about our aggressive safety risks—

ELIOT: So this is my fault? For not standing up to you? This is your fault. You were the one holding the Hot Coffee Companion. You were the one responsible for catching the coffee.

STROM: And I would have, if your piece of junk mug could hold together for a few ounces of coffee. [indignantly] Because it broke I got burned.

ELIOT: I didn't burn you, Marion was pouring the coffee.

MARION: Hey, I did exactly as I was supposed to. [to STROM] Who holds a mug up in the air when scalding hot coffee is being poured into it? Besides, it wasn't my job to check the quality of the mug. [to ELIOT] I trusted you to do that. In fact, I relied on you.

ELIOT: You relied a little blindly, don't you think? This was bound to happen sooner or later, and you knew it. Your only concern was that it didn’t happen to us. But it did happen to us, and how we respond will make or break our product—our Hot Coffee Companion.

STROM: You're right. We need a plan. First of all, we'll debate the very fact that we caused this stain on the blue carpet. I don't think we spilled enough coffee to make a stain of that size. Don't you agree?

ELIOT: So we just happened to make a "small" stain on top of an already existing stain? Where did this other stain come from?

STROM: That's not our problem boy, because we didn't cause it. You see?

MARION: Maybe it’s a good thing that this happened now, so we can get it over with. Now we control the information, so we control the spin. Here’s what we’ll do: We'll purchase all the web domains that relate to spilled coffee, then people won't be able to find any objective news about today's events. They'll only know our version of the truth. We'll have to speak in front of the stockholders, but that's easy enough. Sure, it'll be awkward, and everyone will know that we're guilty, but as long as we don't acknowledge any wrong-doing, we can stretch this out. It won't be long until the stockholders find something else to cry foul about. Then we’ll quietly bring in any old blue carpet, and, most importantly, we'll announce a corporate restructuring so the three of us will no longer be in a position to be culpable for any of this. Voila! Problem solved.
[WALKER enters the boardroom]

WALKER: Hey! You're not even paying attention to the spilled coffee.

STROM: We were just discussing our strategy, sir.

[WALKER goes to the intercom on the table]

SECRETARY: Yes sir?

WALKER: Call the janitors and tell them to get ready. I might need them sometime soon.

SECRETARY: Yes sir. Am I to assume you won't be having coffee this morning?

WALKER: I still want my coffee. Send it in here.