My baby girl turned six the other day
We had a party
Her friends came
And she laughed for hours without a break

I laughed too
Told her I loved her
Nodded when friends asked if I was proud
And beamed with joy as she unwrapped presents

But it didn’t feel quite right
Hasn’t been right in years
Five to be exact
And I can’t seem to swallow this pain away

It’s hard to feel I deserve to be here
That I have a right to be this happy
That my daughter gets to have me
Gets to see me each and every day

My wife aches for answers
Wishes I’d speak of what happened
I wish I could
Yet there are only a few I can talk to
It’s those unlucky few that know

Not few enough
We share a bond now
A cursed union
It tugs and twists and tears at all of us
Our new fingerprint

So I’m lost
Unbalanced
I’m grateful and ashamed all at once
Going through the motions of a normal life
Where normality is my new thespian act

It’s not for lack of trying
There are people here who need me back, I know
Oh, I’m trying
Just give me more time
Because five years has not yet been enough