It's nearing that mushy time of year again where our better halves expect us men to be charming, sensitive and romantic. That said, it must be about time to begin the tedious task of searching for that perfect gift, a gift that communicates all three of these noble virtues while preserving one’s manly dignity and peace of mind? Of course it is, but unfortunately all too many of us will get caught up in wanting to get away from the tried and true flowers, candy and jewelry and make an attempt at being creative.

To that end, there are countless men in the world who rethink the whole Valentine’s Day gift-giving tradition, and convince themselves that thinking ‘outside the chocolate box’ is a much better way to say ‘I love you’. Well, I'm here to tell you that when talking about Valentine's gifts, unless you are very careful, thinking outside the box can open up a whole world of trouble. Now, paying attention, let us be aware of how to avoid such future unpleasantness…

When thinking of gifts to avoid giving to your beloved, avoid those ‘cool’ gifts that you really only want for yourself. Scientific studies have shown that most women, for one reason or another, would prefer not to receive a half-inch breaker bar, or a fishing pole with a full array of lures. In addition, my advice is that you don’t buy a significant other a full set of stainless steel Allen wrenches, or a subscription to Popular Mechanics.

Even more importantly, one should avoid giving gifts that imply your partner is overweight. For example, Valentine's Day is not a good time to present your lady with a new bathroom scale.  Additionally, it's a good idea to pass up that used copy of, Sweatin' to the Oldies that you've had your eye on in Goodwill for the past month. Also, don't gift a dress that is three sizes too small or three sizes too large. There’s simply too much leeway given to risky interpretations of the dress, no matter how propped up by good intentions.

Though it shouldn’t have to be brought up, I suppose men are men, and so please do remember to avoid obtaining Valentine's Day gifts that say, “Your cleaning powers in the kitchen are masterful.” For instance, don't give her a new pack of Swiffer mop pads, or a few cans of lemon fresh Pledge unless you have an interest in seeing the item returned to you at a higher velocity than when it was handed over. A present of a new broom and mop just opens up an entire world of dangerous possibilities only ever usually seen in prison films.

There is some evidence that suggests a few men simply forget that Valentine’s Day is approaching, and actually get caught off-guard on the day that the gift needs to be available. Absent-mindedness need not mean that last minute show of affection be the equivalent of an executioner’s axe to a relationship. As a guide, please avoid:

-Half-used cans of under-arm deodorant.
-Your 8th grade science project showcasing a mounted collection of insects (I can assure you she won’t care that it makes you feel sentimental for your youth…).
-Your old copy of Worlds Greatest Insults (this will only encourage an onslaught in your direction of material to be found within the book).

Sharing a romantic movie on the couch with your special someone over a bowl of popcorn and under a warm blanket is a fantastic idea. But just make sure you actually go out and choose a romantic movie. "Aliens", "Predator" and "Terminator" do not good choices make lest you want your lady to terminate the evening by making you sleep on that same couch.

Finally, since Valentine’s Day only comes around once a year, don't forget it's coming soon, and so when looking for a gift remember the three textbook offerings -flowers, jewelry and candy- that have served men well over the years have done so well because they are almost universally appealing to most women. Sure, don't be afraid to think outside the box and break from tradition if you think you’ve found something that is truly romantic and has sentimental value to you both.  If you do this, you'll have a happy partner with a new and heart-warming reason to be glad to be your Valentine.

Just leave the mop and bucket for another day.