This thing called life that we treasure or question can be confusing enough to those who have been living it for a while, let alone a newborn.

Bringing new life into the world, one begins to wonder about truth, about answers, about questions that remain unanswered; about periods of your own life that you adore or regret.

Having a kid sure gets you thinking. These are the kind of questions I ask as an adult:

Are we an absurd and brief plague on a gifted planet?

Or are we a god inoculated spiritual gift to the world?

I have written down some questions I imagine my child might ask me throughout the time we spend together, and I have tried to answer them as best as I can.

Why is the sky blue?

Many children have asked this very same question before.

Children after you will ask it again. Scientists (or Scientits depending on the position of the S) will tell you the sky is blue because of a chemical reaction between sunlight and air borne particles.

If you want a life of inexplicable wonder, do not listen to scientists religiously.

The sky is blue because that is the colour that men are born into. You are a boy so you will be dressed in the colour of the sky. You will be draped in this colour because once upon a time there was an animal called a Bertie. He asked his forebears the same question. Unfortunately for him, his forebears were gods. His mother was a snake, who dressed like a giant lizard. His father was a rat, who dressed like a mole. Between them Bertie nestled. And asked the question.

Not knowing what else to do, his parents painted the sky with the texture of the smoothest ocean.

It was a day without wind. They were watching Royals hung. Apparently blue blood was spilt.

Ever since that moment, the ocean has been mimicking the sky. Trying to go back to that fateful day when the Snake and the Rat threw some water into the above.

Lakes, the smallest of oceans, are the only living puddles to have perfected the art of sky grabbing.

You will grab for the sky, because it is blue.

You are born of the ocean; therefore this is a natural thing to do.

You will never grow wings but you will dream. The two are one and the same.

Why do flowers, when picked, eventually die?

Ah, a good question my son.

Flowers are like meteors traveling across the earth on the caravan of beauty. They each have their separate places to sleep at night. And if you think a flower is wondrous during the day, you would never guess how much its beauty grows during the evening. For then the flower puts on makeup and extra scents, developed by its kind. The jasmine becomes ‘jasminer’, the rose becomes rosier.

Within each flower's caravan is a sign. It says:

Welcome flower, to your home.
You will only stay here a matter of days.
Weeks if the bees don't get ya, or if the dinosaurs are dead,
or if the human grommets don't grow ya and sell ya.

Welcome flower.
We are prostitutes of beauty.

We are doing our job as Florae.

Once picked, our arteries break from the thing that birthed us.

Our umbilical cord is broken.
We know no navel.

We have to exude beauty, otherwise what is our life?

We seem only of use to women and bees, and weddings, god damn it, weddings.

On behalf of the flowers, I, Frangipani and Hydrangea declare it is ok to die by a slated hand. Though the human be more sinister the bee is slow.
And possum pee stinks and stings.

Why do we die?

Because we have to. Them’s the rules.

What falls from the sky?

That is rain, son. You would think it is heavy on your head, but it's not really.

Each drop is like a cat with blunt teeth or a deaf parrot's syllables.

See those drops kid? Those drops make up rainbows. If the drops make up the rainbow then it must be a Lorikeet wielding a scimitar.

Right.

Drops of rain are nothing more than an angry parrot's sword.

Why are there stars in the sky?

Well apparently, so it is said, there is no sky. It is simply a dark blanket. And stars are the holes you usually get in blankets. That big blanket was probably old. Scientits will tell ya they are another sun, but there's only our sun buddy!

Those holes let light in from what we look to.

Those stars are pinpricks letting in light from the other side.

And when you see a falling one, it is merely the gods quickly sewing up a tear they may have noticed. What you see with the shooting stars is the gods freaking out that you might see too much.

Beyond the dark blanket (which makes up our very own cubby house) is a place of iridescent wonder, that only phosphorescence in the ocean will let you know. If you want to see phosphorescence, go to a wharf on a dark night, down near Sutherland way, and you will notice rays swimming and opening up the underworld.

When we look to the night sky, we see a glimpse of the beyond.

The holes in the blanket give us hints to each sector. Like the shopping trolley points to a place where the gods like to buy fruit, and the Southern Cross is where Greek Gods gather and drink coffee at a crossroads.

Why do we have to talk?

Interesting question my friend. We don't have to. We are just lazy with our other senses.

If you spend any more than one minute looking into another's eyes, you will find emotions that no word can describe. If you look into another's eyes for 5 minutes you will see the pain, agony, frustration and joy that language tries to express. Language is merely an audible symbol. Glorified grunts. And every animal has a language. Humans just talk too much. Though our language has given birth to great expression, it is by no means the most expressive.

A great wind, or large wave has words within it that far out communicate our humblest of odes.

Take time to listen to the world around you, without human mutterings.

Often a rock is more honest than your best friend.

How could a rock be more honest than your best friend?

For a start, a rock is always honest. It may not know the human concept, but it is because it is. It has no pretensions about who it is. It doesn't tell you it came from a great mountain and is therefore better than the next rock. It doesn't tell you about which stream made it smooth, if it is so. It doesn't recall how the last climber used himself instead of that stupid rock over there as a handhold.

Humans don't seem to have much impact on the ego of rocks. That's why we invented dynamite. Because you will find son that a great deal of men are all about ego. That's why they fight and start wars. The world sometimes reminds me of a giant bucket of sperm swimming neurotically towards some ecclesiastical egg.

While men invent dynamite, and some may try to blow you up (or your ego) a rock will simply be silent, and let you know all there is to know about the world. All that dynamite forgets to say. I say your id is more important about your ego. But don't take my word for anything. I'm just trying to be a dad. And even dads are wrong sometimes.

If you sit on a rock in silence, you will probably hear the wind a little clearer (nature's fine worker) and the falling of leaves, and if you are lucky, you will see in the glint of the rock that which makes most humans tick: gold.

For in rock are great minerals, which, though worth nothing to rocks, have come to make men fight each other for thousands of years. For so gullible is man that they think their wars over rock glittering metals are special. But that’s the ego for you. It bases itself around possessions. Rocks don't really have possessions, but they do have waterfalls and fossils.

When time settles, when old rocks are still old and still sitting in silence, some say man will not even be around to learn that from their decomposed bodies will fall well made trinkets, which over time, and with some left on rocks, will blend back into the rocks from which they came.

Gold will be returned to the earth from which it came, and the rest of the world, that silent world, will finally live in peace.

If you sit on the right rock you may have the opportunity to experience this peace; to experience what it would be like to live in a world without rough egos or battles for gold.

Rocks are old companions.

Sit on one and you may see your own fate wind before you. If not, ask it a question. No doubt the rock will answer with silence. Because the true answers of this world are made of such substance. Should you ask the same of a human companion, no doubt they will have an answer, not less than verbose; in which case one may severely doubt its honesty.

I am your father. Over time I hope you will forgive me if I indulge, like I am now, in that human absurdity called verbosity.

Honesty is not born of words, but of silence. If you were wise now you would stop reading here.

In listening you may learn that speech is faulted.

A rock could tell you that. God knows a good rock has listened to 1000 plans and outstood them all.

How or why should I walk?

How? One foot in front of the other. Go backwards if you can. Step sideways. Jump ropes. Once you have attained the wonderful balance of 2 feet play within it. You could try, with the help of government sponsored drugs, to break the speed record of a man on 2 legs. Some would say it is a noble profession; though some would say it is folly to mock the Cheetah.

Never catch a cab if you can walk it.

Why? Walking gives you a perspective on the world that those who never get out of their cars fail to ever see. It encourages you to indulge in the smaller things, and it is the smaller things that make up life. The smell of Pepper Tree Shade in January. The scrunch of 300 jacaranda buds fresh beneath your feet. The artful graffiti child who scribbles in fresh made concrete pavers. The forever-odd choices of other people's letter boxes.

If you are wise you may get a dog. They too love to walk.

How do you enjoy walking?

Touch fences with your fingertips. Or better still drag a stick or can along the fences of those who believe fences make their riches worthy.

Little is hidden behind fences but the right to perversity.

If there were no fences then humans would be truly communal. And what people behind fences hide is their selfishness. Selfishness is perverse. A truly selfish person is more cunning and carnivorous than any pack of hyenas. You can usually tell a selfish person by the blood dripping from their mouth as they speak. Or the way they avoid your eyes.

Should I be ashamed of my own humanity?

Never.

Unless you catch yourself building extra large fences.

What is family worth?

One unit.

In a family you will find those who bred you and therefore those who care for you, at least that is the general ideal.

You may have difficulties trusting a person who does not speak well of their family. Yes, there are many evils that can happen within a family. For humans in their day to day make infinite mistakes. These mistakes can take on many adjectives: violent, verbal, sexual, mental, metaphysical... the list could go on if you were to subject yourself to the rig moral of psychology.

But family is the be all and end all. Your relationship with your family will eventually resemble your relationship with the rest of the species. So you better start forgiving now cause family life teaches one how to forgive. It is a melting pot of action and forgiveness. It is where you learn to be a person.

A person who has not learnt to get on with his family is likely to be bitter. And the bite of a bitter person can wreak havoc with happiness.

Family is what will bring you into this world as a soul in a human body. You must forget about your life as jasmonia or rosier or even better a rock. Some know not what they are doing when they bring such a child into the world, and will forever be shooting themselves... hey, I ain't no saint son.

But who can do it better?

Family is more precious than the gold on your grandmother's fingers.

No one on earth can replace your direct bloodline. And usually, no one can ever replace their love.

Should I love them?

Without requisition or want, simply do.

Should I hate them?

Never. It hurts the soul.

What is money?

People define their lives by this shit. If you don't have none, you are worthless. If you got plenty, you can buy a flat on the harbour and eat prawns.

Many wealthy people do good things. Many do not.

Wealth does not make a person better. If you have loads of money you are generally distrusting of most people, cause most people want what you've got. These people want lots of money because they believe it will make them a happy. Money and happiness are both abstract concepts, yet both do not naturally equate.

Money can be a curse in disguise.

Money is a wonderful way to trade, age old, but most of the people who get adept at trading, don't really know what to do with the money. They hide it or bank it. Few people with lots of money reinvest in worthy projects. A great deal simply reinvest to make more money. They buy further abstraction.

Some of the richest people die alone and afraid.

Some of the richest even kill themselves.

It is no sure fire way to happiness.

If you have it, shout your mum and dad to lunch. Regularly.

If you don't, never be ashamed of having a rich man shout.

If you are in between, share it.

Who are 'other people'?

Hmmm. This one is going to bug you for the rest of your life, son.

From the moment you leave mum's tummy you are going to be surrounded by other people. A whole heap of them will be loving, wonderful beings. People like your grandmas, your nannies, your pops, your great step grandfathers, your uncles, your aunties in laws, your parents mates. At first there will be way too many people in your life, hang on, at first? No, probably forever. The world is full of other people. As an animal we have been pretty damned successful at our breeding techniques. So what do I say?

Of course I have to point out that not all people are nice, or great, or loyal, or honest, but hell, that is such a small percent. If you turn on the news when you are older you are bound to hear about murders and rapes. You may even be witness to such events yourself. This is bad news. And journalists are full of it. You see, journalists are those other people that love to dwell on horrible happenings. They think it is their job to tell you about all the shit in the world. To throw it in your face. My advice? Ignore the news as much as possible. You may find yourself addicted to it. It's like really tasty junk food. Easy to imbibe because it tastes so important, but generally, it will not really be important to you. Oh, and stay away from journos generally.

But back to the great people. You will meet many friends along the way. Some you will grow up with in the neighbourhood, some you will meet through school, hell some you may meet while walking through the bush. I only recently met a man on a bushwalk. I had seen a wonderful rock to sit and look at some pictures I had been taking deep in Kuringai National Park. I had hidden myself beyond a ledge because I simply wanted to sit and admire the trees and drink some wine. Who comes over the rock but an Italian man new to the country? We get talking and he is a fellow musician studying for a Doctorate at Macquarie Uni. We immediately hit it off and go back to his place and play some music and drink some beer. He may well turn into a life long friend. All from a chance bush meeting. Fate? Perhaps. It certainly didn't feel like we shouldn't have met.

So you will meet people everywhere. If you learn to travel with an open heart and mind, overseas and in your own town, you will continually meet other people who will inspire you and teach you something.

And then there will also be those you simply do not get along with. These will probably be few, unless you go out of your way not to get along with many. You may even choose to be a hermit. This is OK. Other people are not for everybody. In fact hermitude is highly recommended. I enjoy my own company immensely and can sit by myself for many days and hours, painting, writing, creating. Well there's the secret there. To be truly fulfilled as an individual you have to believe you have something to give or say. Sure, you could sit and meditate for days, and this would be wonderful, but at the end of that experience you would then have some great insight that you could share with another person!

Trust everybody!

This method is probably the hardest but most successful. Sure, you'll come across some right doozies who will rip you off, maybe take your money, maybe even punch you in the head or try to kill you, and then break your heart. Through these experiences you will learn to trust your intuition and when it comes to trust this is a great tool to have.

Most people, no matter what the news will tell you, are not out to be mean. Most people want to lead genuinely fantastic lives and have great relationships with others.

But if you ever find yourself hitching a lift with a psycho you should be prepared. Take some self-defense lessons. Get strong. Have good reflexes. The minute you sense that instinctual distrust you will be ready to defend yourself. These situations will be rare, but the skills are important to maintain. We are after all animals, and some are simply bad eggs.

It is a strange irony that you must be prepared to trust (with all your heart) and kill (with one blow).

Violence is not necessary for the most part of your life, but do not shun this natural gift. Know your weapons as well as your heart; though you will speak mostly with your heart, it is your weapons that defend it.

So, other People. Love and enjoy, Treat with care, but don't be afraid to defend your right to happiness. Any other person that goes out of their way to attack you will be sorely surprised when they find themselves learning a lesson from you.

What is school dad? Is it important?

School is not that important.

Learning is important.

And you can learn anywhere, anytime. Have a love of learning. You will be on this planet to develop and this can only be done through learning. Never be afraid to try new things. If you find you are really bad at something, don't worry; there are plenty of things you may be good at. Concentrate on your talents and enjoy them. If other people think that these talents are worthless, put in the self defense mechanism and believe in yourself.

You are no good to anyone down in the dumps and regarding yourself as a failure. If people don't like what you do? Fuck 'em. Really. Oh, and learn a few swear words; they really get your heart ripe when it wants to be.

School is a place where you figure out a few things. How to dupe teachers (maybe), how to play sport (perhaps), how to steal ciggies, how to find lesbian lovers. Well maybe.

I look back on school and I thought it was really, really important at the time. Everybody goes on about it. But, if you watch any good Simpson's episode you will see that sometime the biggest losers when young, turn into winners when older.

Your success is limitless.

Simple survival is a success. Sometimes life is so overwhelming that to simply survive is all that you are capable of. As far as I know we are better off dead than alive. Never underestimate life.

If you wake each day, whether you are rich or poor, hungry or full, cold or cozy, feeling like you are lucky to be here, then what can be better than that?

Slaves have written the greatest music. Rulers in palaces rarely seem happy. It will be up to you find the balance between these. But happiness is often the hardest emotion to feel. It is easy to be sad. To be filled with joy is a challenge, and most know which feeling they would prefer.

So school: don't let it overtake you. Enjoy your teachers. They are possibly the most undervalued people on the planet. Their life revolves around passing on knowledge. Look to them as wizards, because a fair percent of them have given up money and time to do something honourable.

The world could live easily without bankers, financiers, and politicians.

Education would stand still without those who devote their life to teaching.

What is sport? Is it important?

This is arguably a religion in your place of birth to be. Your mother has taught me this. Instead of filling our Saturdays and Sundays with sermons preaching guilt and discussing man's innate evil, or temple where rabbis will hound you for not observing the Sabbath, or mosques where mostly men go to pray to Allah for forgiveness; the true Australian will find solace, comfort, mateship, and good health engaging in or watching physical activity of all kinds on the weekends.

Who needs religion when you have sport? That’s what I say.

I must admit that I am a born again sportee. I went through a large period of my twenties where I was too busy thinking or being too cool or coming down, or just too damn inconsistent, to engage. I went through a period where I thought sport was below me, for the masses, a stupid excuse for the ignorant to get together and say almighty yeahs. But then again I grew up with 'real' religion.

But now I know I was wrong.

I had always played sport. I spent endless days (and backyard light nights) pretending to play for Australia in the backyard. I spent muddy days tackling your uncles and our neighbours pretending to be Eric Grothe or Peter Sterling. I spent my later years punching people in rucks on a Saturday and running up giant Palm Beach sand hills.

When I left school I thought that sport was a farce. I didn't know why I had to wake up on a Saturday and shake hands with a bloke who would gladly stomp on my head.

Now I realize the importance of such things.

Our society works because every person has a right in winter (or summer) to take their woes onto the field and vent them. The kind of things you want to say and do in the workplace to your boss or colleague, things that you are not allowed to do by law or society, you are allowed to indulge in on a Saturday in Rugby season. Any quasi-violent sport is great for this. Even soccer. This great venting of frustration and aggression is the reason why we are a part of a successful society. We all know it is part of us, and instead of those madmen in the Middle East who choose to indulge in violent confrontation on a daily basis (and usually with guns) we choose to leave it on the field. When it is all over, you have the wonderfully superior experience of shaking your enemy’s hands and inviting them for a beer.

What goes on on the ground, stays on the ground.

Ovals are our places of worship, and the outdoors is our god.

If you pray to God before you go on the field, you will probably find no one but a big Maori throwing you a punch. Now there's religion and the world for ya.

Cricket works on the same level. As a man it is an utter joy to be able to run 20 paces and throw a hard red piece of leather essentially at the body of another man. Spinners have more aplomb. And you know that the balls you deal out will have to be faced by you as a batsman. Instant karma.

Cricket is physical chess. A boring and complicated game for the uninterested or uninitiated, but for those born into it a lifelong passion.

Just the other Saturday I spent the morning batting and bowling. Even though we thought the other team were a pack of c*nts on the field (sledging is rife, abundant, honest and witty in 4th grade social) we invited them back to our sponsoring pub where together we had a beer and discussed the highs and lows of the game.

In sport, men are forced to act as a team. It is pretty much warfare without the guns (oh plus more inter team beer and camaraderie and much less death).

There are also other sports you can enjoy which do not require you to engage in that oh so bourgeois feeling of 'the team'. Rock-climbing, bike riding, swimming, and general fitness. Only if you fail you only have yourself to blame, and it is therefore half the fun.

Now that I have re-devoted my Saturdays to the Australian religion I am feeling whole. I am in fact tempted to devote my whole weekend to watching or playing sport. It certainly helps you unwind and indulge in the moment.

Sport encourages fitness and therefore fitness of mind. Enjoy both team sports and individual sports.

Be wary of those who do not watch or play sport. They will often argue that it is simply a waste of time, an example of the stupidity of the masses, but often such folk have taken an amount of drugs which have left them individualised and paranoid in such a way that they would think in this manner. Believe me on this one son.

In a team, you have to face your own foibles, and are forced to get along with people you wouldn't generally know. You have to encourage others and be encouraged. You are relied upon in a very big way. Such credibility is often the first casualty to fall by the way side when exploring the opportunities that drug taking, and the incumbent cynicism, throw up.

You don't have to get into the nitty-gritty of other's personal lives, but simply the spirit of the game. To some it may seem a shallow pursuit, but to many it is a joy, because sport gives us an excuse not to talk about the meaning of life.

Sport can become the meaning of life!

And at the same time gives us an excuse not to be religious.

Who needs the details of the coming of Christ when you can discuss the season’s batting averages?

The great thing about sport is once you get into it there is an endless ream and plethora of types of sport.

Sport gives you more choices than religion!

Once one season is over, you simply go into the next. And then there are those sports you can do or follow all year round. Sport makes people engage with themselves and their planet on a far larger scale than any religion has ever done. To bike up a mountain will leave you more exhausted than any philosophical discussion and then the blissful fit feelings kick in and you know you are truly alive.

And then there is AFL.

This, son, is a religion you are being born into. I don't want to go into it much here. Only let it be known that your Grandmother will indoctrinate you. Never let her know that I'm quite neutral about it and am very happy for you to go for St Kilda. Don't ever let her know that. She may well call the exorcists in.

What is religion then?

In the beginning there was no god and then man evolved.

He started to think about all the shit he could get away with if only there was an invisible force he could blame everything on. An invisible force he could thank and believe in order to give himself some sense of purpose, because quite honestly, when you look at life objectively, it is a pretty strange yet trite experience.

God or gods?

If you look at the histories and centuries there have been many fantastic variations. Many headed women. Magical elephants. Giant turtles. Rainbow Serpents. Jehovah. Allah. Cows. The list goes on.

People continue to kill in the name of these fantastical creatures. Some continue to do great deeds in their name.

Everyday can be an experience of worship, and quite frankly, if you take a good look around this place it is very possibly heaven, for all we know.

The amazing beauty that surrounds us on this planet is staggering. Sometimes, take a step away from man made creation and beliefs and simply breath in your surroundings.

The spirit is a contradiction. Often fragile, sometimes brutal, very hardy and full of bounce. If any thing, the notion of a spirit, of a soul is far more important than who or what it supposedly belongs to.

You don't have to make a choice about it. Though you get your religious types who say you will certainly go to hell if you don't accept such and such as truth.

One of the great things about life is that the only truths to be found are those in nature. Man may like to believe that they have uncovered the truth, but if this is the case, then the truth is so wide and varied that anything is truthful. Any argument is sound.

Walk with an open mind. Don't judge. Love your neighbour. Do unto others what you would have done to yourself.

These are essential truths. Medicine for the spirit.

Avoid those who seek to reject others on the basis of belief, or somehow believe that their way of life is superior. In the end, they will probably reject or hurt you. In the end those that believe in hell, live in a type of hell themselves. They believe that this life can offer them no good, and that all paradise awaits after death.

Nobody knows what lies after death simply because one cannot die and come back to tell us, though the theories abound. The smaller the world gets, the larger the knowledge pool becomes.

Life is a wonderful mystery. Accept it as such and you will be constantly and pleasantly surprised.

Respect others and yourself. Jesus was correct about that.

The problem is that the religion he spawned has driven so many pig headed bigots into believing that they hold the key that they leave themselves open to the bitter side of humanity: hatred, judgement, arrogance, excessive pride.

Ask the trees, or go back to your rock. If you want to feel mortal; go for a surf in a large swell and let the world knock you about. Church makes you feel like shit about yourself and then asks for 'donations' to do so. Meditation can calm you. Witchcraft is merely coming into closer contact with natural forces. Your western religions are built on instilling fear into you.

I prefer you choose a set of beliefs that encourage you, as I will certainly do.

What is 'giving someone a hard time'?

Giving people a 'hard time' in Australia has and, always should be, a grand part of life.

This took me many years to acknowledge and understand.

I hope that you never go through what I went through to understand this. Hopefully I will give you the gift of this gab, and a few other tools of your own.

Giving someone a hard time is essentially the art of belittlement and/ or dry wit. We use it to cut down tall poppies. Or those people who get 'too big for their boots'. Arrogance or superior attitudes are not well received in this country of ours.

Such wit is used in order to make the person that you are communicating with believe that you are serious. If you are to give someone a hard time, you should be as serious as you can in answering questions or discussing, in order to lead them down a path, or 'set the bait'.

Doing this gives your conversation partner ample time to rile him or herself up about a particular subject until you can turn around and 'give them a hard time'. One of the most positive aspects of such a social discourse is to make sure that nothing can ever really truly be serious.

Again I return to some (of course not all) of my Middle Eastern human companions (not to mention Western zealots and American politicians).

Some of them seem to take things too seriously. They cannot joke about god or destinies. They think everything is serious because God has made it so. I beg to differ.

To give someone a hard time is to knock someone in a good mannered way. To take the piss. On top of sport, this is what Australian society is built on.

Son, learn to have the piss taken out of you. Accept off the cuff insults without getting angry. Never take yourself too seriously. If you do, then you have taken the bait, and people will simply pull in the catch of the day. Vice Versa learn to take the piss. To sledge with the best of them.

If you ever take your self too seriously you are simply setting yourself up as the bunt of everybody's jokes.

If you react in a way that others see as too sanctimonious, people will dwell on you.

Laugh off everything and everyone.

If someone comes at you with aggression, deflect it and walk away. If they do it again, regroup, rethink, and attack him in the way that he least expects it.

Even better, call your mates.

Are mates important?

Never be afraid of mateship. Though you may find girls very interesting and attractive, as they are, your mates are those male friends who become dearer the older you get. The relationships you have with women will always be something other, though this is difficult to explain.

Men tend to deal with things humourously, at least in this part of the world.

If they are good mates they will never let you take yourself too seriously, and vice versa. Taking the piss, and giving someone a hard time are good skills to learn (see above).

Mates are people you can always rely on to call in times of need, after a few too many beers of coffees, and ask for a bed, though hopefully this will not be too often.

Do not overlook your male friends in favour of women. Females may deride what men have in common, but in the end they are simply jealous of the fact that while men compete, it is not necessarily the type of competition that is damaging to the soul. Unless it involves excessive ego or gold, in which case it can be deadly. But hey, at least death is honest I suppose.

Men don't allow each other to talk about someone behind their backs in a negative manner, unless the bloke is an 'A-grade asshole' or what may be commonly known as a pure dickhead, in which case, the man has proved himself worth of an A-grade knock. Generally though, such dickheads, if asking for forgiveness, generally receive it.

Keep a grudge if someone mistreats you in a fashion that you think was not fair. The older you get, you may meet this person again, and mention your grudge, and you will realize that people have a great capacity for change and improvement.

Mates are there to do silly things with. Playing group UNO high on whiskey and joints. Riding motorbikes for the hell of it. Surfing. Perving. You will be surprised that the thing that binds you, either gay or straight, is your ability to comment on the beauty of the person walking down the street (tits or bits).

This is not sexism; this is nature's glue.

A cab driver once told me: 'the day you stop looking is the day you die.' And I would have to agree. There is nothing wrong with admiring form. There is also nothing wrong with indulging in sports in which you are allowed to get onto a field and punch the lights out of the opposite team. Releasing aggression in this manner is far better than bottling it up, so long as the hit is chivalrous, above the belt, and doesn't knock them out.

If you ever happen to knock another man out, it is your duty to help him back to his feet.

To walk away and leave him there means that someday the same may happen to you.

How about pets?

Pets are amazing creatures. As is every other single animal on earth.

One of the greatest joys is communing with other animals. To win another animal's trust is to have a true friend and companion. We may not share the same vocal linguistic symbols, but we share a sense of living and surviving.

Dogs are simple free spirits who like to run, chew bones, howl at the moon, get lonely, screw and lie in their owner's laps. There is nothing complex about a dog. They know that a luxury in life is to have your tummy rubbed by a loved one and to piss on the garden when needs be.

In 100 years they may be able to talk. Who knows?

Cats? Different creatures but amazing all the same. They loved to be worshipped by us. Patted. God knows they will preen themselves. If a cat winks at you then you will know they like you.

You can have any animal as a pet, because pet is simply a term for an animal/ animal relationship.

Sometimes you will hear other humans refer to each other as pets...

At the end of the day we are animals as well. We care for other animals but there are also those who don't.

Never set a cat on fire.

Never desert a pup.

Never kill a spider (unless you want to eat it)

Never poison an ant.

People who see themselves as superior to even the smallest of creatures have serious issues. They do not take the idea of mortality seriously. Every creature has a right to be here. And a purpose.

If you happen to eat meat, as I do, say thanks before you dig in.

For one day, there may well be an animal larger than yourself who sends you off to the abattoirs. Would you then look at mortality in the same light?

Never believe that personality and soul is simply the domain of the human. The closer you get to know an animal the sooner you will realize that all animals are different and have traits which distinguish them. Every dog is different. Every cat. Every spider. Every ant. Every animal is capable of ‘personality’.

Size does not matter.

Respect and thanks do.

I will provide you with plenty of pets in my your lifetime. Together we can share the joy of having animals around us.

Never tell your mum about the pet bird-eating spider though. She doesn't like them.

She'll hear the sulphur-crested cockatoo called Fred soon enough.

 

I hope this answers some of your questions. If anything ever happens to me at least I've written down some thoughts that, if I were alive, may guide you. I am hoping, son, to be around to answer them though. I'm even trying to quit smoking for you. Complete dedication. Ahem.

Hey, I know you are going to kick and cry and scream and kick. I'm expecting that. Then again maybe you won't. I see you as a fresh garden patch. At the moment I have 3 prepared so I can grow veggies when you are around. I have spent many a wonderful day digging up clay, sorting through rocks and roots, buying cheap horse manure from the outskirts of Sydney, grabbing some fertilizer and chook dung, and throwing it all together. At the moment those giant mud cakes are stewing, the worms are feasting orgiastic ally, and elements are breaking down. Soon I will buy some small fresh rocket plants, cherry toms, beans, cucumbers, beetroot, and put them into the soil and watch them grow.

You're a little bit different but on the same page I think.

We have spent the last 8 months getting ready for you to come into the world.

Hopefully I will spend the next summer months eating freshly barbequed meats and popping around the side to pick fresh homegrown salad stuffs to feed you, your mum and her family. And quelling you to sleep.

I might even look after you even more than our veggies.

Veggies probably don't poo as much. Or cry at midnight.

We are ready, and looking forward to you. We have to be responsible. But what more beautiful responsibility could there be than caring for a fresh soul and guiding it through the world.

We will try not to spoil you or to treat you too mean. We will try to find a great balance between fertilizer, water, sun and of course shit.

Without shit, you cannot grow. Ramah dama ding ding. Don't let anybody tell you life could be better or perfect. It is just right.

And if you learn not to fight against it but to grow with it, you will find that you are not afraid of death. For the two are the essentials of the other.

At the moment I am looking forward to you and new birth.

If you have any more questions, you only need to ask.

I will try to be a rock for you.

Honest in my silence, ignorant of ego, a place for you to sit on and ask questions of the world.