I don't know how many nights I've stood looking out at the kitchen window wondering why I'm the only one still awake, creeping silently through the house like a phantom.

I wonder why I can't seem to sleep and have eaten more than my share of micro'waved dinners, burritos, cakes, cookies and left'overs in the still quietness. Unfortunately, the extra eating has become evident, both when I look in the mirror and when I stand on the scale.

One sleepless night while sitting on the sofa, I was about to eat the very last Oreo when it seemingly jumped from my hand as if it was alive and disappeared behind the sofa cushions in a flash. Upon searching for the escapee with every intention of eating it, I discovered some interesting items within that crevasse under the cushions. I found 6 three'month'old French fries, a potato chip, a dirty sock, 38 cents, and an old dried up hotdog (age unknown). Remarkably, It took finding these things to help me realize all the productive things I could be doing at night when sleep doesn't come easily, and since I know that countless numbers of people suffer from insomnia, I felt obligated to share what I've learned with you.

First of all, there are some important guidelines to consider before engaging in any insomnia'derived activity . The first and most obvious is that the activity has to be a quiet one, since everyone else is sleeping. Also, with very few exceptions, it should be something that can be completed from start to finish in one evening. Unfortunately, trying to remain quiet when doing an activity or chore is a lot easier said than done. Experience has taught me that whenever I am trying to be my quietest, for some reason, really loud things happen. For example, I was quietly, slowly and very carefully trying to get a fork out of the drawer when suddenly the entire bottom of the drawer gave way sending all the silverware crashing to the floor! What I heard after that was even worse: ...What the hell are you doing!... My wife yelled, her voice cutting into me like a knife.

Many more tasks than you would believe can be completed from start to finish in one evening, especially if you try to have fun. By using your imagination, you can view each task as an adventure rather than a chore. For example, with my very first task utilizing this principle I imagined myself being interrogated and tortured by some ruthless government as I stood in front of the mirror yanking my own nose'hairs out by the roots. This is a task I've been meaning to complete for sometime, and thanks to "Uri" and "Vladnikof" I completed this painful task in less than two hours.

Another thing I've imagined in the wee hours of the morning is that I was Indiana Jones searching through The Barren Wastelands of No Return for long forgotten and lost artefacts, fortunes and ruins. The things I've found thus far actually aren't worth all that much. With a flashlight and a broom handle I investigated the dark caverns beneath the stove and refrigerator. Since these areas had never been searched before, their contents (just as the contents of the couch crack) proved to be quite intriguing. I found the dirty mate to the sock that was in the sofa cushion, eleven more cents, a petrified slice of bread, a little plastic army man and a dried up cat turd. As you can see, having fun accomplishing tasks is easy and you can accomplish much when you use your imagination to think outside the box.

An important point to make here is that if you are not careful your imagination can get the better of you. One night not too long ago, I began a task and soon 
imagined that I was a marine biologist searching through the partially digested stomach contents of a Great White Shark. I was lost in my adventure when I began to feel nauseous thanks to an awful stench. I couldn't tell if the smell was real or imaginary, but the sick feeling it caused snapped me back to reality just as I was pulling a stinky bowl of hairy sweet peas from the refrigerator. In this instance the scenario got the best of me when I suddenly blew chunks all over the kitchen floor.

Another midnight pastime is my imaginary safari. In this scenario, I am a hunter of an endless supply of wild game on the African tundra. However, for obvious reasons, a gun cannot be my weapon of choice. Instead I use a rubber band, a stack of Q'tips, some rubbing alcohol and a book of matches. Cleverly, I dim the lights and crouch quietly on the floor waiting for my prey to make an error in judgment and cross my path where it's easier (and safer) for me to launch flaming alcohol'soaked'swabs at the unsuspecting wild game with the rubber band. I have watched many flaming roaches run in frantic circles while turning black and crispy. Be warned, though! I speak from experience when I say that it is possible to give yourself post'traumatic stress disorder by performing graphically violent activities such as this. On the other hand, using this method to vent pent up frustrations can be quite liberating.

If you're not into imaginary interrogations, archaeological digs or African hunts, there are plenty of other tasks that can be accomplished utilizing more traditional methods. You should keep in mind that the middle of the night provides you with the perfect opportunity to do some tasks, which would otherwise be impossible to tackle efficiently. During the day, for example, that junk drawer in the kitchen with all those ketchup and taco sauce packets could never be cleaned out properly! With so many people having a stake in that drawer's contents, throwing something away would be like trying to sneak Christmas past a child.

One night, I was finally able to toss all those empty scotch'tape dispensers my wife's been saving for three years. Hopefully my wife will never miss all those recipe cards she never uses; I tossed them too. I was also finally able to throw away that headless Barbie doll that's been haunting me for months! Upon tossing these items, I was finally able to make room for more important items. From the floor of the cabinet beneath the kitchen sink I gathered up the loose nails, nuts and bolts, my old roll of fishing line and that trailer hitch I've been meaning to put on the truck and deposited them confidently in that drawer.

There is one problem, though, for my wife also occasionally suffers from insomnia. I woke one day and found my things missing from that drawer. In place of my items was a manicure set, a bottle of polish remover, a pack of tampons, and a huge pile of fuzzy rubber bands.

Be creative when deciding on insomnia derived activities, but don't abuse your new found abundance of quality 'get stuff done' time. Life is short, but even if you can't sleep you can make the best of what it throws at you.

Daniel Taverne is a disabled veteran who has experience in bricklaying, Occupational therapy and writing. Visit his blog at: www.dtaverne.blogspot.com