I am short and I love live music.

I regularly venture from home into the darkened pubs and clubs of Gigland. I queue at the door patiently and pay my way in quietly, yet I know that I am unlikely to actually see the band. I can hear them, but unfortunately having a go'go gadget extendable neck and peering over the top of hundreds of heads is just not in my line of living.

At gigs I learn more about the politics of the people around me than I do about the bass player's new hair cut. I spend a lot of time reading the back of t'shirts. I usually get to see a bit of X'rated porn from the drunken couple on my right. On my left, chances are the tall guy with bad BO who loves punching his arm in the air doesn't know I exist, so doesn't realise he is elbowing me in the temple. Or there might be the really stoned guy who can't stand up straight and keeps leaning on me.

I know what you're thinking. I could arrive when the doors open and stake my claim at the front of the stage to guarantee a good view. But then I'd be avoiding social interaction with friends and cute boys, avoiding visits to the bar or even toilet breaks. Am I to miss out on all of the above by standing at the stage two hours early looking like an obsessed groupie?

Of course not. You see I have a few timely strategies up my sleeve.

I know the floor plans and the precise location of secret steps and raised platforms in various venues right across town. I regularly conduct recce missions from the bar to check on the progress of the growing crowd so I know where to dash into the gaps. I have an uncanny ability to duck and weave under people to get closer to the action without totally pissing them off. I move around a gig like a crazy little penguin trying to align myself behind the rarest of finds, a large cluster of short people. I know the value of a milk crate, of high heel cowboy boots, of pushing through the pain barrier when standing on tippy'toes for hours on end. My night at a gig is like SWAT training camp.

Am I bitter? No. I am so used to this sort of behaviour now that it seems normal. Nor am I cross at tall people ' hey, we all love going to gigs. But I would like for all of you vertically endowed music lovers out there to try a small social experiment for the greater good of gig watching around the world.

Next time you are enjoying the sight of a great live band, turn around to the little person behind you and bend down so that your level of vision is in line with theirs. Then look at the band. Then imagine what that band would look like if you were standing in front of you. Then ask the little person 'Would you like to stand in front of me?'

You might just make their year.